the best of me

It all really hit home last night as I lay in bed with my favorite 6 year old. Even thinking about it this morning brings tears to my eyes. As I tucked J1 into bed, she told me, "I had a great day today." When I asked what her favorite part of the day was, it was making hot chocolate together after dinner.

It was just that 10 minutes of being together. The best part of her day. And during that 10 minutes, I was trying to hold my shit together because there was spilling, leftover glitter, and an obscene over consumption of marshmallows, among other things. Let's just say, it did not actually feel like the best part of my day.

So it was heartbreaking to know that her favorite part of the day was just being with me in spite of all those things. Even more heartbreaking is that during the week she rarely even gets the best of me. She gets a few hours after work---after I have generally given about everything I have to other people. In that few hours there is reading, brushing teeth, picking up her room---during which time I am also trying to inhale some food (and let's be honest, probably a glass of wine).

Even writing this post is tough. Don't get me wrong. I am a kick ass mom. My neighbor and I joke about being worst moms. But we get shit done---careers, kid birthday parties, soccer practice, Disney on Ice (well, that one was Gus), Santa. We're showing up. We're doing it. Although, I totally flaked on signing up for soccer snacks this season. Oops.

But seriously, last night reminded me that I just need to dig a little deeper. There is nothing I wouldn't do for J1 and J2. I love them with a fierceness that I never knew was possible. If anyone deserves my best, it is them. No question. So here's to being better. Embracing the spills. Accepting that glitter will always be embedded in J1's scalp. Living in the now. Being present. And making every moment spent with them, the best part of their day.