rockstar mama

With my first Mother's Day as a mom approaching, I've been thinking about the last (almost) 7 months - how steep the learning curve has been and how much my confidence as a mama has grown. I often compare myself to my other rockstar mama friends, who change diapers with one hand, carry kids on the backs, fronts, hips, heads, and swing their kids in and out of car seats like it is second nature and find myself lacking. Before Baby J came along, I had never so much as changed a diaper and I much preferred that you held your own child rather than asking me to do it. But as a capable, intelligent woman, I thought to myself that if those 16 and pregnant girls on MTV could do it then obviously so could I. I'd manage to figure it out, right?

When Baby J was born, it became clear that Mr. Chunglund had better maternal instincts than me. He was changing diapers, soothing the screams, and swaddling her like a pro. My confidence that I would ever be able to handle her that easily was pretty low. I was terrified of being home alone with her. But as my body healed and I became more mobile, I began slowly testing the waters.  Little outings here and there - sushi lunch with Jenn, a trip to Target, a couple hours at home with her on my own.

Baby J is my biggest challenge. She is not, nor has she ever been, one of those babies that will sit in a bouncer chair or lie contently in a crib. She is helping me to learn flexibility, patience, and selflessness - characteristics which I have never fully embraced. I still have some level of anxiety when we are on our own, but I think I'm getting better. The pièce de résistance was yesterday's solo trip to the grocery store where I strapped Baby J on and managed to get a full week's worth of grocery shopping done. It's the small things that instill confidence in me as a mom. And while I probably will never be the one who will know how to comfort your kids, I'm Baby J's rockstar mom and that is enough.