p-ART-y!

I love planning kids' birthday parties---perhaps maybe as much as Little Miss J loves her birthday. This year we did some last minute planning and decided on paint & sip in our backyard. Kids paint. Moms sip. Win Win!

I hired an instructor who based on the instruction "she likes rainbows and unicorns" designed a painting for us. I tried to go low-key and not go overboard on Pinterest-y ideas. I ordered a cake so I didn't have to stress about screwing it up. It was beautiful and delicious, and really really tall. I guess three layers actually meant six layers.

The instructor did everything, so the moms just sat back with some bubbly and chatted.

Thanks to everyone who helped make this little girl feel extra special on her birthday. An extra special thank you to my neighbor Peter for hauling umbrellas and shade tents to the backyard.

now we are six

My darling Little Miss J,

The day you have been agonizing over since your last birthday finally came (and went)! Yes, every 12 months you get a birthday. And, no, just because J2's birthday comes before yours during any given year does not mean that he is older than you. Someday you will understand the 12 month cycle, but it was painfully evident this past year was not that year. That's OK. You're only 6.

You, my dear sweet girl, are one of the nicest little people I know. I am continually impressed with your kindness and understanding. You have such a good heart and you know that even when others are not nice, it does not give one carte blanche to be unkind in return. It breaks my heart when your feelings are hurt by someone, but I'm proud that you have the wisdom to understand that retaliation does not, in the long run, make you feel better. Your maturity generally exceeds your age and at times I forget that you are still just a kid.

You are also a really really good big sister. For the most part, you accept J2's behavior as a product of his age rather than a lack of love for you. He really does love you---despite the things he does which would sometimes lead you to believe otherwise.

In the past few months, I've started to see the glimpse of a life where I am not being summoned to do something for you every 90 seconds. You can pour your own cereal and milk. You can run your own bath and wash up by yourself. Five years ago, I thought I was going to have to come to college with you because you refused to go to bed on your own---and yet now all I have to do is tuck you in and tell you good night. Between you and me, I do sort of miss snuggling with you at night.

My sweet girl, I love every little thing about you. From the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You make me so very happy. You have the best smile. You give the best hugs. You are a really good kid. I'm so proud to be your mom. I hope this next trip around the sun is everything you wished for!

Lots love forever and ever,

Umma

high five

it's a mom thing

Dear Mom,

Argh. That is all I can say. This past week in particular has been especially hard. New job. New things to learn. Steep learning curve. The perfectionist in me has caused off the charts anxiety. And in keeping my sh*t together, I sort of miss out on just living. So anyway, this is where you would have come in. You are the person I would call. You, of course, wouldn't understand because you have always thought I was capable of anything. Perhaps I am. But a crisis of confidence and a fear of failure holds me hostage. I would cry on the phone. You would tell me to pray about it. I would cry some more because praying was not going to get this project done. And in the end, I would get off the phone feeling better simply by having talked to the person who believes in me more than I believe in myself and has the grace to give her unconditional love. Of course, you are not here---and no matter how many times someone, anyone offers they are unable to help a girl like her mother can in spite of their sincerest desires and efforts. It's a mom thing.

You had the thing. I hope I have the thing. I've got two little people to raise. I will most certainly not be able to solve all their problems. I can only hope to guide them along the path of believing in their talents as they navigate through life. I want to be their backstop. No matter how bad it seems, or how awful they feel, they can always count on their mom to be their biggest cheerleader. Simply put---I want to be like you. I want them to remember their happy childhoods with the best mom in the world. Just like I do.

I hope you are in heaven watching over my little family. I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am to be the mom to Little Miss J and J2. They mean everything to me. J2 is just the cutest, happiest little boy. You would lose your mind over him. Little Miss J, she's my mini me---right down to her inner perfectionist. I wish you were here to share in the joy and love these two little souls bring to this world. It is truly something special.

And yet, here we are. Another year gone. Little Miss J turns another year older. And I've spent another year missing you. Did you know? It really never gets easier. Maybe if you were here, it wouldn't always be puppies and rainbows. Maybe I would spend lunches with girlfriends trading mom war stories. But whatever it would have been---good or bad---I would still like you to be here. Because nothing is harder than missing you. Nothing is harder than experiencing all the things that you are missing out on.

I don't know what it is, but to any kid (no matter how old) there is really truly no one like your mom. It's just a mom thing.

xoxo, Me