he loves me he loves me not

After four weeks of a brand new baby, I can definitively say that I still have a love hate relationship with newborns. Nevertheless, this time around has been completely different. With Little Miss J, we went from just the two of us to the neediest creature one could ever imagine. On top of which I was exhausted, sore, and felt like I never had a chance to catch my breath let alone recover from her birth. Pretty sure I actually resented her existence.  I hated getting up at all hours of the night and I hated sitting there holding her because she refused to sleep in any other position. As irrational as this sounds, I felt like Little Miss J was trying her best to ruin my life. I loved and resented her in equal measure. Not going to lie, I still hate getting up in the middle of the night, I am completely over changing diapers, and being attached to a pump feels like a special sort of degradation that you don't get just anywhere. But this time around, it definitely feels less personal. The love hate relationship is more with this stage of life and not with my actual child. And really, part of it could be the relief of knowing that this is the last time I am going to go through the newborn stage ... of course the fact that J2 sleeps independently definitely doesn't suck either. This is it. I  won't miss the round the clock every 2-3 hour feedings but little J2 is just what we needed to complete our family, and I am certainly glad we have two perfect little munchkins. I definitely love them more than not (most days).