another year

Dear Mom,
Juliet is turning 3 and you've been gone for another year. We all miss you so very much and wish you were still here. As I continue on my journey of parenthood, you are always in the back of my mind. My wish is that my kids will always know the kind of love that I felt growing up with you.

I don't have quite the magic touch that you did - for example ... I can't sew for crap and so all Halloween costumes are either purchased on Etsy (which is quite the useful website for handmade items that you didn't make yourself) or held together with hot glue, but I have done my best to never put them in store bought Halloween costumes for fear you would turn over in your grave. I remember desperately wanting a store bought costume as a kid, and it wasn't until I was older that I realized all the thought and care that went into the costumes you created for me.

Birthday parties are another area where I have had some big shoes to fill. This year, we did Juliet's birthday party at her gymnastics studio. I wanted to do a full blown at home party, but being almost 9 months pregnant it just wasn't going to happen. I hope you understand. As it turns out, little Jonah Roger was born two weeks early, the day before Juliet's birthday party. I spent her party in the hospital, while Gus and Rachael did all the heavy lifting.

I know you met Gus back when we were in college and I am glad for that. Back then you probably never would have guessed that he would turn out to be the amazing husband and father that he is. He makes me so happy and the lengths he is willing to go for his kids (and me) - such as throwing a birthday party on his own despite it not really being his thing - fills my heart with joy.

The biggest news this past year is the arrival of Baby Jonah Roger. He's the sweetest little baby, Mom. The complete and utter opposite of Juliet. You would have loved snuggling him and seeing his perfect little sleeping face. He is so content and I can already tell how handsome he is going to be.

If you asked me what I thought my life would be like, this is what I would have imagined (without all the student loan debt, of course but that's another story). I have a perfect little family - two healthy kids who have parents who love them and each other very much. After law school, I think I really struggled with feeling successful and wondering where I went so far off track from the little girl, who thought she could accomplish anything. But over the past year or two, things have just felt like they have fallen into place. Career-wise and family-wise, I don't think I could ask for anything more. To put it simply, I'm happy.

You not being here doesn't actually seem to get easier, in fact seeing the things that you miss sometimes even makes it harder. But I know that both my precious children have an angel in heaven watching over them, and I can only hope that I am making you proud of me.

Missing you always,

Nina